Many of us who have experienced a brain injury have to reach down deep to find anything to be thankful for during the holiday season.
We squint into our mirror, wanting to see a reflection of the smiling, carefree face we used to know. We search for the good in our lives, trying to be objective so that we can find gratitude and be thankful for what we have.
But it’s hard.
We are told over and over again by society to keep our eyes open for the things that make living worthwhile, but words like that only tell us that the people who say these things don’t see us. We think if they really saw us they would know not to say those kind of things.
Try as we might, many of us cannot see anything to be thankful for.
The Dark Knight
Brain injury is a thief. It comes in the night dressed in dark clothes and steals the existence we once knew, replacing it with confusion, doubt, anger and pain.
How do we get over that overwhelming feeling of loss long enough to see something we can be thankful for?
It’s easy to be thankful when things are going well; when the job and the family are good. When there is food on the table. When there are vacations be taken and fun to be had.
Life is not always like that, and that is something we are all too well aware of.
This, however, does’t mean we are off the hook and can wallow in self-pity. I have said before that we are responsible for our own life and our own well being. If we don’t take care of ourselves, then who will? Taking care of ourselves means we have to not only provide for our everyday existence and for creature comforts, but it also means we need to take care of ourselves mentally.
Having our game face on and being mentally prepared is one of the most important things you can do after brain injury. A key part of this is being able to look outside of ourselves; at the world that seems to have forgotten us, and to look at it through eyes that see good and see possibilities.
This is hard, I know, but it is a key component. If we want to live a fulfilled life after brain injury, we are obligated to look for the good and the things we can be thankful for. In order to do this we need to learn to see good when there is no good to be seen.
Being Healthy, Mentally
Feeling gratitude is an important piece of being healthy, of striving, and of being the best you can be; even if we have to make up the stuff we feel good about and give thanks for.
When life seems to be kicking us in the teeth, not many of us have the ability to look up and say, ” Thank you for that. Can I please have another?”
You hurt, are confused and full of doubt. You have no money. Can’t work. Other people don’t treat you well. Things are not good. How do you turn things around so you see the good. so you see a life of possibility?
This is where the hard work comes in.
Somehow, as we work at creating a meaningful, fulfilling life, we have to construct the good out of the bad. We start very simply: by not letting the bad overwhelm us. That’s all: we don’t let ourselves get sucked in by the bad. We don’t let ourselves get ugly.
A Choice
The choice is ours: either we can be bitter and angry and make things more difficult and unpleasant for ourselves, or we can find a way to be thankful and put a little bounce in our step.
As bad as things are, we tell ourselves we can deal with it, even when we aren’t sure, and that we even feel thankful for these bad situations being thrown at us because in the end they are all just tests. The opportunity to pass a test is a gift. Make no mistake here, this is a tough and painful, but it’s the life we have been given. Success in this, the most difficult of all steps, creates more success as we move forward.
Find a way to be thankful, even when you don’t want to. In fact, do it especially when you don’t want to. You are in charge of how you choose to accept things in your life. Choose to be positive. It may seem dumb and pointless, especially at first, and the reward is not immediate, but you are building a better person; a strong human being, capable of taking the worst your brain injury can dish out, and converting it to positive vibrations.
Have a great holiday.
Jeff
Great article Jeff. I always enjoy reading your stuff! Blessings on your journey. Kim
Thank you so much Jeff. My husband has a tbi and I will get him to read this. I love your posts as they help me find hope.
Hugely inspiring and stunned by the accuracy of this. Could not have articulated myself any better!
Thank you so much for your spot-on words!
Hear, hear!
Thanks so much! You are a gifted & talented writer. Happy Thanksgiving
Wow! I am in awe of the honest reallity you describe, but what’s even better is the accountability you ask of yourself. Thank you so much, Jeff, for giving me the basic steps on how to face each day.
Thanks so much for all the really nice comments. They are very humbling.
You have a gift for writing your feelings and helping others.
I am thankful that you can do this. God bless you!
Jeff, you hit the spot for me. You have expressed what I have been trying to express to family and friends. I have been trying to express it myself on my blog I have begun
I try to think I did one or maybe the excitement of 2 or more things today functionally successful or I have to sleep because my Brain is tired and shuts down that it is OK.
Happy Thanksgiving
All the Best
Jeff, I am so glad you addressed this important topic.
When we are emotionally overwhelmed, we lose access to our limbic system/relational circuits that help us to relate to ourselves, to others, and to God. It feels like we are all alone in this world and feel hopeless. When this happens, the number one priority is to rest, to take care of one’s basic needs, and to quiet to give your brain a chance to reset.
The next step is to take action steps that can help our relational circuits to turn back and stay on include things like actively expressing appreciation/gratitude, doing some exercise, and having some fun (not just vegging in front of a TV or surfing on the Internet, but doing something you enjoy, particularly with family or friends).
Keeping an appreciation/gratitude journal is very important. When your relational circuits are off, you won’t even remember that there is anything positive in your life. That is why it is important to have that gratitude journal handy and to read it out loud.
Telling appreciation stories out loud to friends or to God is particularly powerful. Deliberately practicing appreciation 5 minutes, 3 times a day, for 30 days is probably as effective as any anti-anxiety or anti-depression drug and will increase your own “joy capacity” and that of those around you.
Great,important advice. Thank you Maria. Important to remember that gratitude/fun/appreciation doesn’t just happen; you have work at it.
I need help right now. I survived a DAI TBI on may 29th of 2014, and the stage I’m at right now is all of my want to is gone. Like I know what I need to do but I do not have the will to do it. did anyone else face this problem? if so how did you combat the problem? I appreciate any feedback thank you!
Eric, Thank’s for reaching out. I understand completely how up and down life after brain injury is, and how we are always dropping into these troughs where we feel aimless and depressed. I really am not sure how to deal with your particular situation, and since I don’t know you or your situation, I think it would be wrong for me to tell you what do, other than to suggest you look for professional help and/or support groups in your area. It’s important to feel as though you have other people supporting you in this battle. I hope this little bit is something that helps. Jeff
Having said that
Hi Jeff,
Your article, and your blog, are excellent. This is just what I needed at the moment – to sit back and see all the things I have acheived since my stroke rather than ‘being bitter and angry’. I still have a lot of things I had to do, and to do that means looking for my health, my brain, and my family. I look forward to these ‘positve vibratations’!
Keep it up.