Each of us is searching for our own brand of happiness; for those things that make us feel good. Happiness keeps us all going, it keeps us juiced. We need it.
Sometimes, though, events complicate our search for happiness, and, for many people, happiness can be difficult if not impossible to find. For those of us who have experienced a brain injury, especially those who are early in the process, any hope of finding happiness typically takes a backseat to “just getting through the day in one piece.”
When you’ve had a TBI it can be hard to envision yourself ever being happy, especially when you’re having one of those bad days. You know…one of those when you cannot get off the couch. Or your ears are ringing. Or you have a pounding headache. Maybe you are filled with despair or hopelessness. You feel like a loser who can’t do anything right. You are bewildered and confused by the world around you, and you won’t leave the house. You yearn for your old life back.
We spend most of our time focused on mending our lives and our personal selves as we search for normalcy, almost unaware that happiness exists for some people.
Oh Happy Day
Of course we all want to have those happy times. They are good for us. They help keep us mentally healthy. We want to bask in them and have them wash over us as we live our lives, but maybe we should take a moment to examine happiness.
Happiness is a good thing and we want to be happy and take advantage of it’s benefits, but we need to realize that the reason happiness is so elusive and fleeting is because it is an emotion, just like sadness, and so it is very dependent on the things that are happening around us.
Things make us happy. Events make us happy. We feel happy, because…
It’s important to remember that since happiness is an emotion and not a way of being, it’s not going to allow us to deal with the bad, sad or tough times. Happiness leaves when the chips are down and times are tough because it is a short term, lightweight emotion; it won’t be there to help you live your life. It goes as quickly as it comes and it doesn’t help us be powerful day in and day out.
Are searching for the wrong thing?
Finding happiness after Brain Injury is difficult. Even having those short term, “fun”, light and carefree moments is tough. In my own case I felt as though my brain wasn’t “wired” in that way anymore, although I did notice that I was able to appreciate simpler, everyday moments in a way I hadn’t before.
I thought maybe there was something I could work towards which was not as dependent on external events and was more satisfying.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t want to be happy or shouldn’t look for things that make us happy; we need happiness in our life. I am saying, however, maybe we should be striving towards a strength which gets us through thick and thin, which is neither fleeting nor dependent on events around us, which grounds us and prepares us to meet any challenge.
What we are looking for is this: we want to be solid, not flighty; we want something we can be in control of; we want to feel good and we want our good feelings to last. We want something that serves us. What we are searching for is along the lines of inner contentment.
Seeking contentment
Seeking inner contentment, although difficult for us because of our situation, is more simple than you think, and for this reason: inner contentment is based on simplicity itself, the appreciation of “simple” things. After Brain Injury, when things are so tough, something we are able to do is appreciate the simple things.
Inner contentment requires accepting ourself, in all our glory, for who and what we are.
We should look for things we like to do that bring short-term happiness and fun, all with the goals of building a life we believe in and are proud of, and of reaching inner contentment.
Inner contentment also requires another thing that is difficult for TBI Survivors; that we came to terms with our life, as it is. This means we accept and come to term with all the changes that have occurred, and having that acceptance allows us to get pleasure or satisfaction from living our lives.
Lastly, inner contentment is a skill we learn. Seeking inner contentment is a way to take care of ourselves and to prepare ourselves for life.
When you seek contentment, you search for those ordinary things that make your life worth living and give it meaning. Look at it almost as if you are building your life for the future, a life you can feel good about. That helps build up the inner strength that allows you to get through the tough times and hard times when they come.
Inner contentment comes from us taking care of ourselves and our lives, while seeking it drives us to lead a life worth living which has real meaning.
One of the offshoots of inner contentment is that, through it, you can achieve a state of fulfillment; a state of “feeling good” or a more permanent happiness, a state not dependent on people or events, and one that has staying power.
Thanks, Jeff
Thanks, Jeff. Today is one of those ear ringing, brain fog, disoriented days.
You state the challenge very well…specifics on what you do to creat your contentment would be appreciated. Thank you?
Carol,
Two things I was always looking for: peace and my place in the world. Having those two things contributed to my sense of well being and contentment. For me, the best way to achieve these were by learning about and knowing myself soI could feel secure in who I was being, and I could have a better idea of how to move ahead in my life. It took time, experimentation and risk taking for me to feel comfortable in who I was. Finding a purpose and writing this blog is one way I can contribute that gives me that sense of wholeness.
I hope that makes sense and answers your question..
Best,
Jeff
Hmmm….”peace and my place in the world”. Its been 8 and 4 months, May 23rd, 2008, since my “severe Traumatic Brain Injury”. I honestly don’t know how long I was on a ventilator or how long I was in a coma, whether that coma was medically induced or not. I don’t remember when I finally got to go home.
I do remember that when I got home things there went sour pretty quickly. Anger issues, confusion, learning to live without the vision in my left eye, learning to live with two fingers that would no longer be useful at all.
July 26th, 2009. Seizure and collapsed on the garage floor. Then the lengthy search for a Neurologist that worked with TBI patients. You wouldn’t think that would be that hard to find in Denver…but it was. Finally got a referral from my case manager at Spalding Rehab Hospital. So then the EEG and being told 1/3 of my brain is now just scar tissue and five areas are active for seizures. So lots of new medications.
Keppra, I learned the hard way, gives the brain even less time to sort things out before anger bursts out. And it sure did. October 2013, ready to end things. Tired of trying to figure out how to go on with my “impairments”. So a 72 hour Mental Health Hold at the hospital. Best thing to happen to me since the wreck. Staff Psychiatrist change all my meds, Oxcarbapazine instead of Keppra, a much stronger anti-depressant.
So OK, the anger issues seem to have receded greatly. But still have some episodes. So now take Clonazapam when things start to get out of hand. Just can’t seem to learn to put the tools down and walk away for a while. Never was made like that…”beat it into submission” I guess.
So today, up in the mountains with our RV and Polaris Side-by-Side machine. Should be having a wonderful time. But awning got caught by the wind and about 3 ft pulled out of the track. Fought it back in place, hoping it will stay put. But the Engineer/mechanic in me says “good luck with that”.
And so I’ve fallen into a depression as I type. Just not enjoying life. Trying to live my life “doing the right thing”. So this morning, walking our dog, I clean up after him and clean up after someone else’s much larger dog. But then fighting with the awning, not looking forward to going home to deal with a house structural problem that started during construction and when I was still in the hospital.
See the Psychiatrist I’ve been seeing since 2013 incident. But how do I really express what’s going on in my life? I talk about it, but we don’t seem to come up with a plan. Maybe I’ll be more expressive on the bad things this time.
Just rambling on now, so I’ll stop. Thanks for reading.
Dear Jeff,
Another well written article. You are becoming popular among my colleagues and the people we work with. Thank you for offering a fresh outlook on TBI’s. This article is thought provoking and to the point. Keep on keeping on!
Robin
Hi Jeff!
You keep amazing me with your blog posts! Each time, it seems you hit on a topic of great importance to me and to those I serve. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Thanks for your comments, Ann.